90-Day Mastery Challenge

90-Day Mastery Challenge

I encourage everyone who seeks to live with more purpose and awareness to take this 90-Day Mastery Challenge. Namaste.

To Flog or Not To Flog?

“Forgive yourself Hon, and move on.”  These were the sensible words a friend uttered through the phone.  I’m sure she was tired of me beating myself up over having purposely hurt someone I cared about.  I think the saying goes, “ Hell knows no fury like a woman scorned.”  And you guessed it, there’s a full sized color picture of me right above that caption.

Forgive myself?   I began pondering what it meant to “forgive myself?”  How should I go about doing that?  Should I stand in the mirror and tell myself, “Kimberly, you are forgiven?”  I guess I could flog myself like that monk in The Davinci Code?  Or maybe I could drive over to Malibu and toss a stone into the Pacific, as a symbol of letting go of lingering guilt.   (Better yet, I could drive over to Malibu and toss a stone at the guy that hurt me.)  But I digress.  Forgiveness… forgiveness…

It’s funny because I sincerely thought my girlfriend was going to say,  “Forgive him and move on.”   I was shocked to hear her say,  “Forgive yourself, Hon.”  The thought hadn’t even occurred to me. 

Hundreds of ideas ran through my busy mind.  I mean, I really wanted to get this self-forgiveness thing right if I was going to do it.  I didn’t want me rehashing this thing with myself.  I wasn’t going to throw this thing back in my face again.  I just wasn’t going to stand for it!  So, this forgiveness I was asking of myself had to be sincere and, well for lack of a better word… brilliant.  Once I forgave myself I was not turning back.

Then one day, the answer rang loud as a bell.  Out of all of the ritualistic approaches I could take, why not choose the oldest one in the book?  I would contact the person I offended and simply ask for his forgiveness. 

Okay.  So, then I began to “neuroticize” (made up word), about how I would go about my apology. Since I hadn’t spoken to this person in about three months and any attempts to make contact via phone had gone up in smoke, I decided I’d apologize through email.  I felt that my email needed to convey a tone of sincerity, yet at the same time it needed to be precise.  I also wanted to make sure that the apology was about me taking responsibility for my less-than-noble behavior and not about rehashing old annoyances or placing blame.

I was scared of what response I would or wouldn’t get.   Scared of hostility, indifference or rejection.  But I knew this was the only way I could finally forgive myself and let it go.  So, I guess, for purely selfish reasons, I decided to torture myself a little longer in order to free myself from torturing myself any longer.   By asking his forgiveness, I felt I would be doing everything possible to finally close the circle of hurt that lay open between us.  And deep down inside I needed that circle to be closed.  Honestly, I began to realize that forgiveness was the only thing that could close it.

So, I typed up my apologetic email, read it several thousand times and clicked send.  Immediately I went to the sent mail section of my email to make sure I had really sent it and to also make sure I hadn’t accidentally sent it as an email blast, (which, thank god, I hadn’t).

It took him about three days to respond.  His response was not what I hoped for but it didn’t really matter.  What did matter is the lesson I learned about self-forgiveness:  In asking for his forgiveness and making a heart felt apology there was nothing more I could do.  I knew then that it wasn’t anyone’s responsibility to forgive me, but me.  So, that’s what I did. 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO’s.

(Oh, those aren’t typos.  They’re my closed circles.  Aren’t they beautiful?)

I’d love to hear your stories on self-forgiveness.  Feel free to post.

Happy New Year,

Kimberly Hawthorne, C.Ht.

20 Ways Hypnosis Can Benefit You

Most people seem to be aware hypnosis can benefit someone looking to quit smoking.  But did you know Hypnosis has proven beneficial for over a hundred different areas of concern?  Listed below are 20 you may not have known about.

1. Tardiness
2. Bed-wetting
3. Fear of rejection
4. Chronic pain
5. Writers block
6. Nail biting
7. Insomnia
8. Hair twisting
9. Self-forgiveness
10. Sales improvement
11. Premature ejaculation
12. Fear of loss of control
13. Exam anxiety
14. Cravings
15. Nightmares
16. Relaxation
17. Focus
18. Death and loss
19. Public speaking
20. Memory

 Discover even more ways hypnosis can benefit you.

Are there any listed you would like more information on?  Feel free to post your comments and questions.  I'm here to help.

Kimberly Hawthorne, C.Ht.

Is Your Fear Really A Phobia?, by Kimberly Hawthorne, C.Ht.

Is Your Fear Really A Phobia?,  by Kimberly Hawthorne, C.Ht.

A lot of people don’t realize that a fear and a phobia are not the same thing.  Fears are based on some negative experience that is grounded in reality.  Let me give you an example of what I mean.  When I was 10 years old I almost drowned in the pool at the neighborhood community center.  If it hadn’t of been for my best friend, Ivy Hill, I probably wouldn’t be typing this message right now.  She saw me struggling in the water and pulled me to safety. 

Ever since that day I have had a fear of swimming pools and large bodies of water.  I can be around them but I don’t necessarily want to get in them.  I even have anxiety when my sons are swimming or at the beach.  My fear of the water is one that is understandable because of the near death experience I had when I was 10 years old.   It is a fear that causes me anxiety.

A phobia causes anxiety as well, but it is not grounded in reality.  A person suffering from a phobia has anxiety but can’t really explain why.  Something triggers the person and they experience anxiety and panic attacks.  It is very frustrating for the person experiencing the panic attack because there seems to be no logical reason why they are reacting in such a way.

I was at a baby shower a few years ago and a young lady was telling me that she suddenly became terrified of flying in planes.  This is a young woman who was used to flying for her job and would fly from the west coast to the east coast several times a month.  For some reason on one of the flights she experienced a panic attack and felt like she was going to die.  Since that scary flight she’s had terrible anxiety around flying.  You can just imagine what type of effect this had on her career and on her personal life.

I always explain to people, “If your fear or phobia causes you to have a lower quality of life, it’s time to seek help.”

There are people out there who haven’t seen loved ones in years because the thought of boarding a plane completely paralyzes them.  There are people who are so terrified to drive on the highway that they spend extra money on gas and use valuable extra time driving surface streets to get to and from work every day.  And taking the stairs is great.   But, if you can’t apply for a job because their offices are on the 35^th floor of a high rise, it’s time to gain control over your elevator phobia.

Conquering fears and phobias is possible.  Hypnosis is a wonderful tool you can use to move past them.  If you remember, hypnosis is concerned more with your subconscious mind than your conscious mind.  The subconscious mind doesn’t know how to take a joke.  What you tell or suggest to it will manifest as reality.

A qualified hypnotherapist will first gain knowledge as to whether your anxiety is fear-based or phobia-based.  Once that is discovered the appropriate therapeutic approach should be taken.  Part of that therapy should include giving the client an anchor for coping with future triggers and using hypnotic suggestions that reinforce the soon-to-be new behavior of the client.

I hope this was helpful.  If you are not sure whether your anxiety is caused by a fear or a phobia, I’d love to hear from you.  Feel free to post your questions and comments.

Will I Bark Like A Dog?

I’m a hypnotherapist.  Hypnosis scares some people.

People want to know, "Will I make them bark like a dog?"  Or,  "Will I make them cluck like a chicken?"

My answer is usually, "Only if you want to."

One of the most common misconceptions about hypnosis is that you will lose control and someone will have control of your mind.

When you are under hypnosis, you never lose control.  In fact, your mind remains alert and your body becomes relaxed.

One of my favorite comments is, “I don’t think I can be hypnotized.”

Well I have news for you, “Most of you are probably in hypnosis right now and don’t even realize it!”

If you’ve ever allowed yourself to get lost in a movie, you’ve been in hypnosis.  If you’ve ever driven home from work and magically found yourself at your front door, not remembering the drive at all, you’ve been in hypnosis.  If you’ve fallen asleep and awoken you have been in hypnosis.  Did you know that we all go through a hypnoidal stage of sleep right before we fall sleep and right before we wake up?

I practice hypnotherapy.  Hypnotherapy combines cognitive therapy with hypnosis.

Let’s say you seek my services in order to quit smoking or lose weight.  Your one-hour session would consist of 40 to 45 minutes of cognitive therapy, where we would discuss your goals and concerns.  From our discussion I’ll have a clear idea of how to assist you during the 10 minutes you will be in hypnosis.

Eighty-eight percent of our behavior is generated by our subconscious mind.  Only twelve percent of our behavior is controlled by our conscious mind.  Logic, reasoning, will power, decision-making and analytical thinking reside in the conscious mind.  So if you wake up one day and decide you want to stop smoking or lose weight, you are making that decision with twelve percent of your brain-power. Eighty-eight percent of your brain is still familiar with the old you.  That means eighty-eight percent of your brain is comfortable right where it is -  dealing with what it knows. That’s why it can be so challenging to not light up or to put the cookie down.

The good news is the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between fact or fiction.  What this means is,  by gently making suggestions to your subconscious mind you have the ability to reprogram it.  

That’s where I come in!  As a hypnotherapist I can assist you in opening the door to your subconscious mind and giving suggestions that would best help you achieve your goals.  So now you not only have the 12% of the conscious mind working for you, you have the entire 88% of the subconscious mind working for you as well.  Using 100% brain-power maximizes your potential for success.

Do you have the power to stop smoking?  Yes you do.  Do you have the power to lose weight, stop procrastinating, better manage stress? Yes you do.  To develop better sleep habits, conquer fears and phobias?   Do YOU have the power ? YES, you do!

ANYTHING you want to do is within reach.  All you have to do is align your subconscious mind with your conscious mind.  Hypnotherapy can assist you in doing that. Hypnotherapy is a tool you can use to maximize your potential and optimize your life!